Dan De Lion

The Pentateuch of the Thunder Box

A working class scripture of dignity, simplicity, and bodily truth — spoken in the language of the hut, the bowl, and the bamboo.

1. The First Act — The Morning Drop With bamboo boxers round the ankles, the day begins in honesty. The body releases what is no longer needed. The bowl receives. The man resets.

Principle: Let go before you take on.

1. The Second Law — The Urinal is Not Final. Only the Bowl is Whole.

Half measures do not complete the work. Convenience is not completion. The bowl is the vessel of truth; the urinal is but a passing stop.

Principle: Do things fully or not at all.

1. The Third Law — Trust Not the Bidet.

The bidet is a false prophet of cleanliness, a porcelain pretender offering confusion disguised as comfort. The bowl alone is honest.

Principle: Beware false luxuries.

1. The Fourth Law — Beware the Wet Wipe.

Soft in the hand, treacherous in the drain. The wet wipe clogs systems, disrupts flow, and betrays the bowl.

Principle: Avoid false solutions.

1. The Fifth Law — Trust Not the Two Ply.

Two ply promises strength but collapses under pressure. It is the deceiver of the bathroom realm.

Principle: Do not rely on weak foundations.

1. The Sixth Law — Flush Not the Unflushable.

Respect the limits of the bowl. Do not force into the system what the system cannot bear.

Principle: Honour consequences.

1. The Seventh Law — Experiment Not with Excremaent.

The bowl is the end of the story, not the beginning of a new one. Waste is final; do not meddle.

Principle: Respect boundaries.

1. The Eighth Law — A Consistent Turd Should Be Revered.

Consistency is a sign of bodily harmony. A steady output reflects a steady life.

Principle: Recognise the signs of balance.

1. The Ninth Law — If Thou Shouldst Spatter, Pay It No Matter.

The bowl forgives. The Way allows for imperfection. Wipe, flush, rise.

Principle: Practise grace.

1. The Tenth Law — If Constipated, Be Not Deflated.

Blockage is not defeat. Pressure is not failure. The body moves in its own time.

Principle: Persevere with patience.

The Way of the Bowl

These ten laws form the foundation of the Thunder Box tradition — a philosophy of simplicity, dignity, and embodied truth. They honour the rituals that begin each day and the quiet wisdom of the working class home. The bowl is honest. The body is honest. The Way is honest.

Dan De Lion

🎤 THE STRYCHNINE SATIRICAL SONG A Hull‑Prophet Detox Hymn by Dan De Lion

🍄 Shrooms

Shrooms Shrooms — Doors of Perception? A&E Departmental Reception. Trip‑talk whispers of cosmic connection, Babylon colours in wild projection. But visions fade fast in the wrong direction — next stop bright lights and a nurse’s inspection. The only door opening? A&E Reception.

🌬️ DMT

DMT DMT — Hip Trip. Take a shit! Cosmic fireworks promise synthetic mystic, Babylon serpents dressed up as dope shit. One deep drag and your mind might just quit — truth is simple, no need to commit: stay grounded, stay human. Tea and biscuits

🌈 LSD LSD LSD — Hallucinations! Rainbow roads and illusions no frustrations, Babylon visions that charge a fee. Insight? Chaos? Paranoid? I’ll skip the bad trip and let it be — truth tastes better in a Cup o’ Tea.

🐴 Ketamine

Ketamine Ketamine? No hope false dream. Float for a moment in a cold‑blue ice cream, Babylon whispers of a painless bliss. But the fall hits hard when you can’t control your piss the after‑hollow steals your esteem. No hope, no healing — just a false pipe dream.

💗 Mandy (MDMA)

Mandy Mandy? Rather have a shandy? Get loved up-makes you feel randy hugs that turn off all your inhibitions. Sweet for a second, then the comedown brings contrition serotonin tax you do not want to pay. Keep your love simple in nature driven way.

❄️ Cocaine

Cocaine Cocaine? Runs through the Membrane. Babylon Buzz can drive ya man Insane. Paranoia Depression could be the refrain. A Wallet that is empty, a soul lost in a land drain truth tastes cleaner when you choose to refrain Try Try sipping’ lemon barley drops and your back in the game.

💥 Poppers

Poppers Poppers? Sucking sour gob stoppers. One sharp sniff and your head-top, totters Babylon rush that snaps up Euphoria. But the buzz is brief and the crash is Gorier better to chew on harmless tit bits Skip the bottle lest you get the proper Popper shits.

🩸 Heroin

Heroine Heroine? Ends up in chagrin. Warmth that whispers like a serpent’s sly grin, Babylon comfort with a deadly tailspin. One soft nod and the shadows fly in hope grows cold as the days they wear thin. No glory, no glyph — just chagrin.

🌿 Khat

Khat Khat — Blissed Out? Blissed Out? Chew all night till your jaw gives out, Babylon leaf with a hollow power. Buzz feels bright till the Golden Shower When you piss your pants at the midnight hour Blissed out? Nah — pissed out, pissed out.

🔥 Spice

Spice Spice Nice? It’s your life you sacrifice. Cheap‑talk smoke with a wicked price, Babylon packet that lies as “nice.” One wrong hit and you roll the dice — body goes limp, mind turns ice. Nothing nice — just life you sacrifice.

💊 2C‑B

2C‑B, 2C‑B — Stimulant? Losing your mind ain’t brilliant! Neon colours dance all free, Babylon glow-stick fantasy. But the mind’s no toy for a reckless spree — one twist too far and you’ll lose the key. Fun’s not fun when you’re not really “me.”

Laughter the Rafters what Were Afta!

Porcelain Press. Publisher

Dan de Lion. Author

Toilet. Truth. Text. Title

The Aldi Car Park Blues

---

Verse 1

Got a trolley full of holy ones, wheels wobbling down the road, Got a trolley full of holy ones, wheels wobbling down the road, I am in this Aldi car park, carrying my load.

Verse 2

Buddha by the biscuits, Jesus drooling by the wine, Buddha by the biscuits, Jesus drooling by the wine, Confucius by the toilet rolls saying, “Son, you’ll be just fine.”

Verse 3

Shamans in the child seat, rattles shaking in the breeze, Shamans in the child seat, rattles shaking in the breeze, Dreamtime is in the pharmacy saying, “Ibuprofen please.”

Verse 4

Zoroaster’s shivering between the frozen peas, Zoroaster’s shivering between the frozen peas, Shinto hanging onto the handle, saying, “Keep your mind at ease.”

Verse 5

Baha’i at the butchers, saying peace to everyone, Baha’i at the butchers, saying peace to everyone, Animism in the monkey house sayin’, “Life lives on and on.”

Verse 6

Trolley wheel’s a‑wobbling, my feet stay on the ground, Trolley wheel’s a‑wobbling, my feet stay on the ground, Earth stays on its orbit, spinning round and round.

Refrain

I shall not, I shall not be moved, I shall not, I shall not be moved, Like a trolley in Aldi’s trolley rack, I shall not be moved.

P.S. Daft is the Raft that will save us!